Valkia has now drawn blood on the pitch, and my word was it an incredible match. The Skull Throne Valkyries went up against the Gorgoroth Geniuses, a team of completely legitimate Dawi businesspeople and their hired hobgoblins, and of course two massive, powerful blessed Bull Centaurs of Hashut. Val’s team of giant murder-valkyries and smaller murder-einherjar and murder-dog-girls (murder being the main link on a Khorne team) brought blazing heat with them, which was going to make an already brutal match even more brutal. The Valkyries won the coin toss and chose to receive, primarily because taking the first turn meant the Geniuses had to set up first and let the Valks take the first swings.
What followed was a long, brutal drive where the Frenzy of the Valkyrie’s Bloodseekers, Hrist, Lenneth, and Cherryblossom, and Val’s own ruthless blows, did huge damage to the Geniuses. Despite this, the Geniuses very nearly managed to sack the ball carrier with a risky dwarf dodge, but the block dice just were not with them that first half. By the time the Valkyries scored, many Hobs and Dorfs were out of the match, and the heat made everything even worse: Sweltering Heat knocks out d3 random players (same d3 for both, thankfully) from each team at the end of each drive. This makes a numbers disadvantage even worse. Even worse for the Geniuses, the heat just kept knocking one of their valuable, powerful Bull Centaurs each drive. They just didn’t have the time to score in return, especially not outnumbered badly, and the heat hit them so hard at the start of the second half that they were down to 5 players on the pitch. One Centaur, 2 Hobs, 2 Dwarfs. Facing Valkia, 2 Str 4 Bloodseekers, Linemen, and Khornegors (fluffed as hound-gals, because Khorne loves dogs). Horribly outnumbered, it looked like a curbstomp in the making.
Displaying both faith in individual merit and extraordinary spite, though, the dwarfs decided fuck it and took -2db blocks on the line. Chico the Hobgoblin did the impossible and not only punched Valkia herself to the floor single-handed on a disadvantaged block, he broke her armor and stunned her, ensuring she couldn’t act for one critical round. A dorf lineman punched out Lenneth, taking her out of the drive. Ponzi the Bull Centaur (The Geniuses are all named for famous scam artists or types of scams, though their other Centaur is Ziggurat because Dawi-Zharr would have Ziggurat Schemes, not Pyramid!) managed to grab the ball immediately despite his 4+ agility and thundered up the pitch while the rest of the team committed to trying to keep the suddenly-vulnerable Valkyries busy.
Ponzi was sacked by one of the Khornegors using their +1 Str when Blitzing ability, but managed to fight back and grab the ball again while knocking out Slepneir the Khornegor, continuing his run. Unfortunately, he was sacked a second time, and Valkia herself knocked one of the dwarfs out of the match with a Miss Next Game casualty. However, with the scatter, the Genius’s coach realized something: He had a far better opportunity than moving Ponzi back to keep trying to get it. Instead, Ponzi leapt up and charged into the fray, knocking one of the Bloodseekers off Harpo the Hobgoblin, who ran free, grabbing the ball and heading for the endzone. Cherryblossom managed to break out of the scrum and blitz him, but Harpo stayed on his feet through two 2db Frenzy blocks, being pushed both times, and then dodged out to score and tie the match with 3 turns to go! Despite having been completely screwed at the start, the brutal heat, attrition, and the opening from those lucky spite-blocks at the start of the half had put both teams down to 4 players on the pitch by the end of that run.
The Valkyries made a strong attempt to get to the end-zone, managing to hand off to Hrist (again, despite a 4+ Agility!) for a stretch play to give them room, and she had the movement to cruise into the end-zone if she could just blitz Chico the Hob out of the way. Displaying the same insane heroism he had against Valkia, though, he both resisted both Frenzy blocks alone, and then with a little backup from Madoff the Dorf (the SEC can’t get him he’s too strong!) sacked Hrist to pop the ball loose and secure the tie! He was KOed in the next turn but good god, you can’t ask for more from a basic lineman than what Chico did that game. In general, the Hobs put on an incredible show that match, showing that an MA6, Str 3, Agi 3+ unit can still get a lot of work done. Especially when you’re only paying 40k for each. Yes, Hobs are a slightly worse human lineman (they have 1 less armor, but cost 10k less gold) but in the context of a team with a line of dwarf blockers and a pair of super-badass centaur-dorfs who run fast and hit hard, having a bunch of cheap, fast (for dwarf units) linemen with average Agility to act as mobile reserve, sacrificial line-holders, secondary ball handlers, etc is surprisingly good for Chorfs. Despite having been extremely on the back foot, the Geniuses pulled off an incredible comeback to force the tie. After the match, Valkia was quoted as ‘Fucking stunty bastards! Why don’t they ever know when to stay dead goddamnit!?’ as she was being awarded a very-well deserved MVP. Which means Val did 2 Cas, MVP, and got 8 SPP for the match. She could buy a skill immediately but has decided to hold out hope she gets 4 more and gets Block. To be a Big Guy. With Block. And Claws. And Frenzy. And Mighty Blow. God help us all if Val figures out how to smuggle her shield into matches.
While the Geniuses took a pounding, very little of the damage was permanent. Two MNG/Niggling Injuries (they make future Injuries a bit worse), 2 Badly Hurt, a tie game, some SPP for them, Harpo picked up Pro (which is honestly a good skill for a Hob since they’ll often be doing something you can afford to allow to fail, but hey, a 66% chance for a free reroll any time is good), they made enough to hire an apothecary (as did the Valks), and are generally in good shape for their match with the humans soon. They showed real spirit refusing to concede the match or give up and Nuffle (or Hashut) rewarded them for it, and gave the rest of us one of the most exciting matches of the league to date. I haven’t cheered for Babylonians in the face of demonic onslaught like I did that second half since Marduk slew Tiamat.
Night's Ham Stock 